The Monday Column (On Tuesday)

Last updated : 06 December 2005 By Jim Bonner

Milan! Milan! What are you doing? I know I was one of the first to call for Perrin’s head, and I fully support the decision to get rid of him, but where are we going now? We’re the laughing stock of my office – let alone the national media!

And why oh why can’t we just forget about the fact it’s that idiot Rupert Lowe you have to give money to, and pay him what he wants to bring ‘Arry back? Yes – bring back ‘Arry! That’s what I say. He’s the best of an average bunch of candidates, none of whom (other than ‘Arry) will probably be able to save us from the drop, as I will demonstrate in a minute.

Let’s look at this sensibly for a second. ‘Arry is only after a six-month deal. If it doesn’t work out, you can walk away. He can walk away. There are plenty of plus points to his appointment.

Such as, no-one knows the transfer market like ‘Arry does. His dodgy connections with agents and scouts all over the world can be fully utilised. No-one can wheel and deal like he can. Look at the Yak. Look at Matty Taylor. Look at de Zeeuw. Look at Todorov, Stone, Lualua – all ‘Arry signings. Look at the signings we’ve made since. There’s no comparison. (Okay, I know ‘Arry made some dodgy signings as well – Mornar, Olszar, Mezague etc, but generally he got it right more often than he got it wrong).

I also know he didn’t manage it last season with the Scum, but if anyone can get us out of the mire we’re in now, it’s Judas ‘Arry. So swallow your pride, write the cheque out – payable to (ouch this hurts) Southampton Football Club – and get ‘Arry back here where he belongs.

After all, we are his ‘spiritual home’ (what a load of bollocks that was – his spiritual home is probably Bournemouth or West Ham, but hey, we’ll forgive him the spin on this occasion).

Let me pose this question. It will probably cost us £200,000 to buy ‘Arry out of his contract. Maybe we could negotiate an even lesser fee with Rupert ‘I like to blow the shit out of ducks’ Lowe. But he is undoubtedly the best candidate of any of the names I have heard mentioned. Yes, it would be a tall order asking him to repeat the success he had here between 2002 and last year, but it can be done – he can keep us up. And in doing so, will earn the club another £30 million or so just for staying in the Premier League.

£200,000 spend for £30,000,000 return. If I was a gambling man, I wouldn’t mind that layout.

Of course, nothing is guaranteed and, if he does come back, Redknapp will have a tall order on his hands getting a disillusioned bunch of players playing for each other. The squad and team is, after all, totally unbalanced (Griffin at left back? Eh? No right-sided midfielder/winger at all? Eh?)

But I think the problem of team spirit would be addressed the moment he sits back down in his Fratton office. Just look at the clamour from the players calling for his return. Milan, you have to listen to them, they’re the ones who can keep us in the Premier League!

What is the alternative to ‘Arry? Let’s take a look at some of the names being banded about.

1 Brian Kerr

Well, the good news first. Brian managed St Patrick’s Athletic to two titles in the League of Ireland in 1996 and 1990. Honestly! That’s it. That’s the good news.

Oh, sorry, I forgot – he also won the Under 16 Invitational Tournament in Porto in 1998 (as manager), managed the same team to an U18 victory in some Norwegian event in 1998 then another team in some Arab tournament in 2003. Now for the bad news.

He has never managed a team outside of Ireland and his management of the Irish national team was somewhat questionable. If you’re going to appoint someone on experience and success, Perrin was better qualified.

More of a joke-kerr then than a proper prospect for a Premier League football club!

2 Lawrie Sanchez

Now, here’s an interesting one. A possible bright, young prospect who just might – might – be a viable alternative to Redknapp. But what a risk it would be to appoint someone with no Premiership know-how and ask him to keep us in the top flight.

Let’s look at his record. He’s a Londoner, being born in Lambeth in 1959. He made 262 appearances for Reading, scoring 28 goals, before moving to Wimbledon in 1984 where his crowning glory came in the 1988 (I think) FA Cup final. He played 228 times for Wimbledon, scoring 27 goals. He moved to Swindon for a year before moving to Ireland, where managed Sligo Rovers in 1994/5 season.

His managerial career continued as player/manager at Wimbledon between 1995 and 1999. In Feb 1999 he was appointed manager of Wycome Wanderers, who he almost guided to an FA Cup final before getting sacked in 2003. He then became Northern Ireland’s manager and oversaw a turnaround in their fortunes at International level, beating England 1-0 in the process.

So, it would be fair to say the bloke has potential. But I don’t think he’s ready for a chance at Premiership football yet and to appoint him would be a HUGE gamble. What players would he be able to attract to Fratton? How good is he tactically?

But… he would make a fabulous number two for Harry Redknapp, so why not go for that option, Milan? Work for the future and all that!

3 Alex McCleish

Just what we need – a firey Scot partnered with a Mafioso-style Serbian chairman! Blimey that would be a match made in heaven. But…

Alex was versed in the way of football management by none other than Sir Alex Ferguson, who I believe was his boss in the glory years at Aberdeen. A good start.

His record at Rangers has been okay. He stopped Celtic’s dominance a couple of years back by winning the SPL (well he only really had to beat Celtic, but that was no mean feat as they had Martin O’Neill in charge).

He’s almost got the Gers qualified for the next round of the Champions League and is highly thought-of in football circles.

I think he would be a good appointment at the start of a new Premiership season, but coming in half-way through the season to rescue us? I think that that’s too tall an order.

4 George Burley

Rated at one stage as 5-1 favourite to take over the hotseat (how things change) his name must still be in the frame, but he will only come if Milan leaves him to run the club as he sees fit – and if he gets a long-term deal.

Had success at Hearts most recently before his ominous split with some Eastern European warlord chairman (allegedly). Which indicates badly for any potential relationship with Manderic, doesn’t it!

In fact his career seems to be littered with fall-outs where he’s walked away from clubs (Ipswich, Derby and Hearts). There is no doubt the guy has talent, as he was tutored by Bobby Robson in the great days of Ipswich Town, but would he be able to stay the course with Milan long term? And would he be able to rescue us short term?

The Right Man

Well, none of the above look like being great options, do they? Milan has identified the need to get the right man in place, and it’s crucial that he does.

As I said at the start, short-term I think the right man is Harry. As much as some supporters will hate the idea of him coming back, look at it from this perspective – he was sent in as a PFC spy to finally put the nail in the coffin of the Scum! And now he’s fulfilled that secret mission, given to him by Milan (it was all a conspiracy) he’s going to come back and rescue us, safe in the knowledge that he can turn us into a top-10 team! And what’s more, that’s precisely why he took Quashie to the other side – as he knew it was the only way to get rid of him!

By the time you read this, everything could (and probably will) have changed, rendering this article a load of bollocks. Which it probably is anyway. But I predict that Redknapp will still come back, despite many papers saying that Milan has decided against him. Read between the lines and Milan hasn’t decided against him at all, he is just pursuing all options open to him to ensure he makes the right decision.

There could be a lot of one-upmanship going on here, too – Milan trying to get one over on Lowe. Twat Lowe trying to get one over on Milan. The two of them acting like children in a pass-the-parcel competition, with Harry stuck in limbo waiting to be unwrapped.

Which is why the whole situation needs to be brought to a conclusion now, in time for the Spurs game. Milan, give Lowe the money he wants and bring back ‘Arry. Then bring in Sanchez as his no2, which will be perfect for our future (grooming Sanchez as our next boss while he maintains duties with Northern Ireland – similar to the Steve McClaren situation at Boro now).

The longer things stay as they are, the worse it will all get. And the worse it will all get, the more likely we are to be playing Hull City next season.

Great!