Neville Dalton is a journalist and
Well, what a year! This time last year, we hadn't even embarked on an FA Cup run which was to end with Big Sol Campbell holding aloft the trophy at the new Wembley Stadium.
We were halfway through a terrific season which was to end with our second successive top-10 finish, and our best ever Premier League placing of eighth.
And we were to enjoy a sadly curtailed European tour which was to take us to
Meanwhile, another season and another Harry Houdini vanishing act - this time to Spurs, a section of whose fans he had lambasted only a few weeks earlier, accusing them of chanting filth at Pompey captain Sol Campbell.
Within six months or so of winning the Cup, Pompey had dispensed with the services of three of the four midfielders who played that day, replacing them with… no one.
So what's in store for the coming year?
Let's take a look.
Under-pressure manager Tony Adams is in even more trouble after reportedly losing the dressing room.
Pompey's dire financial plight means they cannot afford to replace it, so the players will have to get changed on the pitch…
Spurs, Arsenal, West Ham, Charlton) and Armand Traore (Arsenal) to spend on new players.
Pompey give back the Cup they had worked so hard to win after being dumped out of this season's competition by Championship side
"Now we can concentrate on the league," says
Transfer window closes - and Pompey have signed - no one.
"No one available at the right price," says
He insists he still has all the proceeds from the January sales to spend in the summer - oh, minus the cost of replacement dressing rooms.
"The players felt it was a bit cold, changing on the pitch," he explains. "They like their home comforts. It was either that or the Gents' loos at
He also reveals Pompey face a disciplinary hearing after selling Traore - who actually belonged to another club.
"An oversight," explains executive chairman Peter Storrie. "But I'm pretty disappointed with the criticism we've had. It's nothing to do with anyone else, especially the fans. How we deal with business at the football club is our business, nobody else's.
"They should just turn up and support the team. All transfer arrangements are confidential."
Results don't pick up. Pompey haven't won since beating Heerenveen in December. Their last league win was against
Easter looms and still Pompey haven't won in 2009. Their 3-1 defeat to bottom club
"I can see a lot of positives there," says Tony. "For a start, we scored. And we only had 10 men - that's not in the team, that's in the entire squad.
"And I've still got the proceeds of our January sales to spend in June. Oh, except for the new dressing rooms.
"And the money we still owe on some of our previous signings - Crouchie from Liverpool; Johnno from Chelsea; German Deffo from Spurs (I know we gave him back, but apparently we agreed to pay for his loan last year and we didn't notice they were still billing us)."
"Oversight," explains Storrie. "Nothing to do with the fans. Get on with supporting the team… all 10 of them."
Table-topping Arsenal visit
"I can take plenty of positives from that result," says
"But I've still got all the cash from our January sales to spend. Oh, except for the new dressing rooms. And the money we still owe on previous signings.
"Apparently, it goes back further than I thought.
"And the bloody Ministry of Defence have been on the phone - we haven't finished paying the £450 to buy Guy Whittingham out of the army."
"Oversight," says Storrie. "Nothing to do with anyone else, least of all the Government. And those bloody fans. Why don't they leave the running of the club to those who know best and get on with supporting the team.
"All eight of them."
Pompey get ready to splash out on new players in the transfer window.
But it's too late for some. The News reveals exclusively that Pompey have brought in a new coach.
"It's a Volvo B9R, with all the latest gadgetry so that the driver and the players can enjoy themselves on the way to away games," says Storrie.
"We have reluctantly decided to part with our previous coaching staff, including Mr Adams, as the results were not quite what we were hoping for with such a talented playing squad at our disposal.
"And I hope the fans will give our new coach all the support necessary to achieve the success that we all want to see at
"Oh, and by the way, the Volvo's gone back. Too big for an eight-man squad. So we've brought in a used Transit. Should do the trick nicely. It was parked opposite our training ground at
He adds: "I hope the supporters will give our new coach a push… if it breaks down."
"I'll get back to you on that one."