Transfer Tales Episode IV

You know the story by now:

Definite Ins

Today Benjani Mwaruwari was unveiled at the same press conference Sacha Gaydamak was. He's our new record signing costing us £4.1 million and he chose us over Marseille because he speaks better English than French. When asked what he hopes to do at Portsmouth he simply said "To score goals" which is good enough for me. Likened to Yakubu the 27 year old will also be going to the African Nations Cup but when he returns big things are expected of him.

Possible Ins

Here we go then...

The local rag is reporting that we're linked with christ knows how many players. Lee Bowyer is one of them and Harry is supposedly keen on him and claims "the fans will love him" I have never been a fan of Bowyer and his rather violent reputation. Should he sign for us you just as well names us "Old Newcastle" with all the ex-toon we have!

Next are want-away Aston Villa pair Mark Delaney and Lee Hendrie. Another two players who are talented but have attitude problems just like Bowyer. The question is are they better than we've already got? Is Delaney better than O'Brien? Is Hendrie superior to Gary O'Neil? I'll leave you to think of the answers.

The Benni McCarthy links won't go away. Still rumoured to be tracked by Redknapp the Champions League winner wants to play in England and even though we have already signed two strikers who would bet against Redknapp signing a third? Trailist Tareq El Taib has also been training with the squad according to The News though not much is known about him.

There's more! Chelsea pair Wayne "Scummer" Bridge and former Pompey man Alexei Smertin have been rumoured to join Pompey but if either of them are signed for Pompey then I will eat my hat. Oh and there's something about Spurs players joining us. We shall see...

Yet more though this is just my own speculation. Mark Schwarzer has been granted a transfer request by Middlesbrough. We're after a 'keeper with Ashdown on the sidelines and Westerveld being a complete liability. I also dreamt last night that I had bought a new house and that my next door neighbour was Yakubu. When I asked him if he was happy at Boro he said no and he wants to play for Harry Redknapp again. You heard it here first!

Possible Outs

Middlesbrough are rumoured to have put in a £5 million bid in for Gary O'Neil. If this move materialises I will eat my shirt let alone my hat.