The Worst Portsmouth Team Of The Millennium

Last updated : 11 January 2018 By Jim Bonner

You've seen the best Portsmouth team since the turn of the millennium but now, introducing the absolute worst eleven players to form the most diabolically disgraceful team since 2000.

The "performances" of these players were often flatter than any joke found on Mrs Brown's Boys and so without further ado, here is the worst Pompey XI of the millennium, as voted for by the Blues fans on Twitter!

Goalkeeper: Kostas Chalkias (January 2005 - January 2006)

In a way, you have to have a little symapthy for the Greek international as he was thrown into a south coast derby for his debut with little time to prepare but soon Pompey fans were "treated" to his erratic displays and interesting interpretation of the offside trap.

Unfortunately, Chalky frightened the defenders in front on him to the point where they couldn't trust him to catch a simple cross and his partiicular highlight was spanking Arjan De Zeeuw after he had scored an own goal against Aston Villa.

"Cost Us" only played five games for Pompey, believe it or not, before being dropped for Jamie Ashdown and then sent packing the following year to Real Murcia beforte forging a somewhat more successful career back in his homeland.

Final Poll Results

Kostas Chalkias: 55%

John Sullivan: 25%

Yoshi Kawaguchi: 15%

Sander Westerveld: 9%

Right Back: Yassin Moutaouakil (January 2013 - June 2014)

It takes a special kind of awfulness to get into this team in this position given the competition of Alex Wynter, John Curtis and Daniel Alfei (amongst many others) but "Yassin the assassin" takes the cake.

The first thing a defender should be able to do is actually defend but Moutaouakil was completely incapable of that as some of the worst wingers in League Two still managed to beat him constantly.

Pompey fans also wanted to beat him constantly in a physical manner due to his utterly clueless demeanour. It says much for Guy Whittingham's managerial credentials that he actually gave Yassin a contract extension so he could continue to haunt us all.

A few people will try and defend Moutaouakil because he was OK at getting forward and scored a panenka penalty against Torquay once but their defence of him would be as strong as the player's own ability to defend anything on the pitch.

Thankfully, Moutaouakil left Fratton Park after one season in League Two proved too much for him. There would be no witty Duran Duran based chants for him, although they would have surely been drowned out by ner ner nernerner ner ner anyway.

Final Poll Results

Yassin Moutaouakil: 46%

Alex Wynter: 26%

Daniel Alfei: 15%

John Curtis: 13%

Centre Back: Ben Chorley (January 2014 - June 2015)

Signed by the clueless Richie Barker in attempt to shore up a leaky Pompey defence, Chorley instead somehow managed to make a back four which had previously contained such excellency as Sonny Bradley, Joe Devera and Bondz N'Gala even worse.

Andy Awford made him captain for the 2014/2015 season despite having no leadership skills. In fact, the cumbersome and clumsy centre back possessed no skill whatsoever and his performances mainly boiled down to how many fouls he could commit before being booked or sent off.

Chorley is now playing for Bromley in the fifth tier of English football alongside ex-Pompey loanee Frankie Sutherland and so he seems to have found his level. 

Centre Back: Carl Tiler (March 2001 - September 2002)

In my early Pompey supporting days my friend would educate me about which players were good and which ones were dreadful. "Watch out for Carl Tiler, he is fucking shit!" He told me before a home match against Norwich and having watched him play it was clear he was doing shit a disservice because at least fecal matter provides food for flies whereas Tiler was absolutely useless.

Tiler scored an own goal in that game having previously performed a starring role in the infamous 4-2 defeat to Crystal Palace in the penultimate game of the season before (although he did score a consolation header in that one!)

Tiler continued to blight Portsmouth history with a reckless showing in the 4-1 embarrassment at home to Leyton Orient in the F.A. Cup but appearances would be sparse soon after and he was eventually forced to retire in 2003.

Final Poll Results

Ben Chorley: 40%

Carl Tiler: 26%

Sam Sodje: 19%

Nyron Nosworthy: 15%

Left Back: Carl Dickinson (August 2010 - June 2011, October 2012 - November 2012)

Dickinson is your typical hoof'n'foul defender with no technical ability or pace to compliment those other attributes loosely defined as skills. Unlike Jimmy, Carl often got booked for rash challenges when he wasn't being beaten by his man and eventually even Steve Cotterill gave up on him.

After his loan spell came to an end it was hoped that Pompey fans would never see him again but Michael Appleton brought him back to torture us some more. Thankfully, Guy Whittingham realised how awful he was and refused to extend his loan and thus "Dicko" was mercifully never seen in a Portsmouth shirt ever again.

Final Poll Results

Carl Dickinson: 43%

Gregory Vignal: 23%

Jamie Vincent: 18%

Nicky Shorey: 16%

Right Midfielder: Roudolphe Douala (August 2006 - June 2007)

A Cameroon international, much was expected when Harry Redknapp signed the winger on loan from Sporting Lisbon but he failed to make an impact, playing just seven times for Pompey and contributing absolutely nothing to the team in that time.

It speaks volumes that the most appearances Douala made for a single club during his career was 66 on loan at Uniao Leiria despite being a full international. Douala is up there with Daniel Azougy when it comes to frauds involved with Portsmouth Football Club.

Final Poll Results

Roudolphe Douala: 36%

Lee Williamson: 34%

Jermaine Pennant: 18%

John Utaka: 12%

Centre Midfield: Nick Awford (April 2013 - February 2015)

It seems a bit harsh to include a young Pompey lad in this team considering he made just five appearances for the first team but the fans had spoken and thus, he was included in the poll.

When given any meaningful length of game time, it was clear that Andy's son was clearly not up to Football League standard and many fans will still have nightmares about his performance at Plymouth live on TV when Pompey were thrashed at Home Park.

In fact it seems that professional football itself wasn't meant to be for Nick, as he spent last season on the books of Petersfield FC.

Centre Midfield: Brian Howard (August 2012 - January 2013)

Another player who arrived at Fratton Park with a big reputation following a star turn at Barnsley and Reading, Howard's Pompey career started on a bright note with an excellent goal against Bournemouth in the Paint Trophy.

However, his standing soon took a nosedive as he couldn't place a pass and League One midfielders ran rings around his lazy arse. His stint as Pompey captain is arguably the worst in the club's history as he stood and pointed at people whilst arguing with referees constantly.

To add insult to further insult, Howard also missed two penalties in a week and if there can be any positive at all to take from Pompey's financial crisis during the 2012/2013 season, it is that there was no money to keep Howard at the club and he was moved on during the January transfer window.

Final Poll Results

Nick Awford: 41%

Brian Howard: 27%

Giannis Skopelitis: 23%

Darel Russell: 9%

Left Midfield: Adam Reed (January 2013 - March 2013)

Reed may have been a young loanee from Sunderland but, like his counterpart on the opposite wing of this worst Portsmouth XI, his delivery was as accurate as a blind postman's.

Has there been a winger who couldn't cross a ball or beat a man on the scale as Reed? He was utter dross then and even more dross now as his career saw him tumble down the league pyramid and the Philippines international (yup, Philippines international) now plays for Kaya FC in, yup, the Philippines.

The fact that Reed managed to edge out Laurent Robert to take the left midfield spot despite the latter virtually admitting he couldn't be arsed speaks volumes. Ten appearances for Reed in his short stay on the south coast was still ten too many.

Final Poll Results

Adam Reed: 33%

Laurent Robert: 32%

Courtney Pitt: 27%

Lee Sharpe: 8%

Striker: Paul McCallum (January 2015 - June 2015)

McCallum isn't actually a bad striker but his sheer idiocy is obviously still fresh in the minds of Portsmouth supporters after he was sent off against Southend and then proceeded to put his hands on the referee, earning himself a seven match ban.

When he returned, Paul offered nothing to the rest of his team. He should have been a good hold up player given his physique but his first touch was abysmal and he ended up posing more of a threat to match officials than the actual goal itself.

Striker: Azar Karadas (July 2005 - June 2006)

Alain Perrin brought the big Norwegian striker to Fratton Park on loan from Benfica and he must rank up there with one of the worst finishers to ever grace the Premier League.

Yes, he scored a beautiful last-minute volley against Bolton but he missed so many chances that Harry Redknapp opted to play him as a centre back when the squad situation was so dire. Unsurprisingly, Redknapp decided against signing him permanently and Karadas disappeared into football obscurity, otherwise known as Brann.

Final Poll Results

Paul McCallum: 37%

Azar Karadas: 24%

Ryan Bird: 21%

John Akinde: 18%

TL;DR Worst Portsmouth Team of the Millennium






RM: Roudolphe DOUALA






Thanks to everyone for reading and taking the time to vote. The response has been amazing!

Next up for the "since the millenium" feature, on a more positive note, is a list of the best Pompey matches since 2000. Trying to narrow those down could take some doing...